To My Mom

Mother's Day is coming.

And I feel the wound in my heart bleeds once again.

The day reminds me of how unfortunate I am to have an unloving mother.

I don't know which one is worse: loosing a loving mother or having an unloving one.

She's there, but I can't touch her, hug her, love her.

All I can do is sending my prayers for her.

Wishing her well.

I always try to understand her, no matter how difficult it is.

Keep telling myself that she actually loves me,

just doesn't know how to do it properly.

But it becomes more difficult to convince myself,

when my little ones asked me: why doesn't she let us in her house?

Why doesn't she come to visit us?

Never think she's a completely bad mother.

I know she's a tough one. I'm so proud of her.

At 30, she moved out of town with her 3 kids after the divorce.

She provided us with the roof over our heads, the meals on the table,

the clothes we wore and the education we needed.

She provided us EVERYTHING but LOVE.

If I can talk to her now,

I don't want to ask her whether she loves me or not.

I just want to say,

Mom, let's start over.

Forgive all the pains we made to each other.

I love you, Mom.

Happy Mother's Day